Day 9: It Takes Some Time

One thing about me when it comes to losing weight and being fit is that I want it to happen now. I think most everyone feels the same way. The pictures of myself from week one and week two shows a small difference in my stomach. It's frustrating, but at least I see something. This morning when I woke up (it's the second day of the second week), I remeasured myself and reweighed. That's one thing you shouldn't do (constantly, anyway). I used to do it every day. I've gotten better at that, though. Anyway, when I weighed, I went down one more pound (I already lost one by the end of the first week), and lost my first inch in my waist. Now, although I'm thrilled about it, I won't put too much stock into it. Each day you fluctuate by how much you eat, how much you drink (and what) and how much you exercise (if you gain muscles, you do gain weight). It's enough, though to keep me motivated. I've made it through the first two weeks before, but I need...want...to survive until the end, then repeat.

I have always loved eating healthy. But when you add unhealthy snacks to your diet, that's definitely going to put on some pounds. It's also hard to do the right things in the right portions. Now, don't get me wrong. My mom and Joe (stepfather) don't eat unhealthy, per se, but it's the snacks (Oreos, chips, cookies, etc.) that they (he) bring in. Then when cooking, sometimes oil is added, or butter, or cheese...That's all when my red flag flares up.

I know what works for me and what doesn't. I already felt more energized during week one. There were some workouts in Autumn Calabrese's program (scissor crunches, frog crunches, and superman) that I did weird modifications to, saying "I can't do that." I wanted to make the most of my fitness, so I got down on the floor to practice them. The crunches, I found I had no trouble with. Maybe I was too tired to hold up my legs by the time we got to them. Or maybe I just watched Autumn and her group and said "I can't do this, so I'm going to do something else and hope it works." Maybe that something else would work, but Autumn put those workouts in her program for a reason. So, the next time I come across those workouts, I'm going to do my best. Even if it takes me longer to finish.

The other day, I had the biggest temptation as of yet. I was very upset over something personal. Those who know me knows that I resort to comfort food. That screws me up every. single. time. And of course, Joe had made some fresh baked "smelled so good you'd want to eat a whole batch" chocolate chip cookies. Oh, how I wanted some. I went into the kitchen and almost, almost, ate one. My hand hovered over gooey deliciousness. I was angry, upset and hungry. I removed my hand and told myself "no. You'll only regret it. You need to finish round one first, then healthy, homemade cookies can be made." Particularly in my new favorite toy, "FIXate," a cookbook of Autumn's 101 favorite recipe. Instead of the cookies, I got my serving of fruit that I had reserved for a snack.

There's one thing that I already knew, but I get too impatient because I want results now. I wanted it years ago, but I would always give up. In order to have the body you desire, the strength you desire, and the health, it takes, to quote Autumn, "one day at a time, one pound at a time." Maybe now, my body and my mind is finally ready to listen. And being a part of a challenge group is really helping. Especially when you talk to each other about your progress. We motivate each other, and it's great!

Now I don't want those cookies anymore. I'm going to want them, among other things, but I figured once I get my body the way I desire it, then I can venture out, eat what I want, but on rare occasions, and in modification. My goal is for this journey be my lifestyle. Consistency is the key. When you're consistent, that's when you can cheat every once in a while.

Day 4: Always Going to be Temptations

Today is day four for me. I've been keeping up my exercises each day, and the healthy eating plan I set for myself. I haven't been eating my vegetable quota as I should. Yesterday, I had to eat a plain hamburger with onions and jalepenios because I had only eaten two proteins (hard boiled eggs and my shakeology) and no veggies. Even so, it wasn't even a full cup. That's something I must work on. I guess we should have tomatoes on hand always...that'd be a tasty snack and a great way to sneak it in.

Since it was my grandfather's 89th birthday today, we went to my grandparents for a small celebration. My uncle fried catfish, French fries, hush puppies (I love love love every one of those, especially hush puppies), and coleslaw (something I've never been crazy about.) Because Joe, my stepfather, doesn't really like fish, we took our own tilapia (guess he only eats white fish). The fish was seasoned with lemon pepper, which would be free food. Originally, they were going to also season it with balsamic vinegar ( I THINK it's organic and healthy). However, when I brought it up afterwards, (I asked if they put oil on it because I didn't taste it. I know that having to be specific in my diet is annoying, so I wanted to ask in a nonchalant way.) Joe informed me that it was just the seasoning. Score! Not sure why the change in plans, but I didn't ask. I was just happy that I didn't have to say, "so, was it about two teaspoons worth?" It was a lot for me not to have the side dishes. Especially the hush puppies. For most anyone else, one hush puppy and one fry for taste wouldn't be bad. However, I knew myself and lack of yummy food control. If I had one, I'd need more. During the lunch, I drank my water (so far, I've managed to drink a gallon a day!). The cups were 16-ounces (specific-me measured at home!). Which meant by 2:00, I had almost fulfilled my gallon-a-day because I drank two 16 ounces before church, then at least four at lunch. Finally, when they brought out the CHOCOLATE ice cream cake, I still resisted (a pain because chocolate of any kind makes me go weak in the knees). Luckily, the water filled me up so that I wasn't even hungry. As we left, I asked how the hush puppies were. My mom told me that they were dry and looked better than they tasted. Good! I didn't miss much! Finally, when we returned home, I heated up leftover broccoli (almost a cup) just so I'd get some veggies in. I don't know yet why that's so hard for me. I love them almost as I do fruit.

This morning, when I did my workout (Yoga Day), it was hard, only because my TV is up high and I need to be down low. I had to break my form multiple times in order to see what Autumn was doing. Next time, I suppose I'll put it on my laptop and and set it on the floor. Hopefully soon, I can memorize the moves and not have to worry about anything except the timing.

I know it's only day four, and I know that I've done much longer (at least two weeks worth), but I'm thrilled that the challenges I've faced, particularly today, hasn't yet beaten me.  My hope is that I'll continue to want to get my workout in and not slack off. Tomorrow, I plan on fixing chicken, so the hardest thing would be whether they'll like it or not! 

Day 1: It's All About The After-Feeling

Confession: yesterday was supposed to be day one for me, however I was sick with a sore throat since Monday morning. It never fails that when my throat hurts, I'm going to want to eat/drink whatever will soothe my throat. I started out the day healthy, but ended it on a really bad note, including, but not limited to drinking Diet Coke and eating ice cream. The carbonation of soda deadens the pain for me. Then my stepfather went out to the store and asked if I wanted anything. I knew he was also going to get my mother a Hot Fudge Sunday from McDonald's. I asked him to bring me one. Honestly, I really didn't want ice cream. I figured (even though he was laughing at me, knowing that I was wanting to get back into my healthy lifestyle--he refers to it as a diet) that it'd be okay for one last hoorah. It did soothe my poor throat a great deal. And it tasted good, too!

Now it's a new day. I woke up (thankfully sore throat-free), fixed myself a serving of egg whites and oatmeal with honey, chia seeds and cinnamon. I got busy, so I ended up having a late lunch of Strawberry Parfait. I haven't done any workout yet, and knew I should, but I talked myself out of it, saying I'm not completely well (my throat wasn't hurting, but still a bit raw) and I was tired. When dinner rolled around, I made Beachbody's Choco Cherry-licious Smoothie, one of my favorite recipes. Lucky for me, I was filled up and didn't want a snack later, although I had room in my meal plan. Let's hope it stays that way.

After my shake, I started watching a movie, all the while thinking "I should exercise." But I really really really didn't want to do it. Next thing I knew, I paused the movie, put Autumn's Flat Abs Fix program on my laptop and I did it. After all, it was only thirty minutes. Hard program, but not long at all. So what's the fuss?

When I first started the program, back when I did really well and showed great progress, the workouts were all easy for me (except for frog crunches and side crunches--I never could do those and I always feel as though I'm going to cause more pooch to my stomach. I cheat--I admit it. In an attempt to do them, I have my elbows on the floor for extra support and sometimes find that I'm pushing up on them). Anyway, I went through the entire thirty minutes, regrettably taking several breaks. I was glad for two reasons when I was through 1) it was over and 2) I completed my exercise for the day. It's all about the after-feeling: after I finished, I was pleased with myself. Even though I took extra breaks, at least I did something more than what I have been doing. I hope from now on, I can do what I normally do and workout the second I wake up, before my brain can register what's happening.

It was a satisfactory day in my 21-Day Fix. I know I'm going to have challenges, particularly due to support, or lack of, in the household, but as of now, I'm in the mindset of working toward the body I've always wanted. I hope this time I actually stick with it and remember the after-feeling! 

Starting Over

I'm 32 years old, and I feel fat. I know I'm not, but I feel it. For 20 years, I've wanted to be a certain weight and have something resembling abs. It's just that I'm very uncomfortable with how I feel. I've tried diet pills. I've tried Dr. Oz's so-called suggestions. I've tried not eating. The pills don't work, Dr. Oz's ways are weird, not eating only leads to feeling weak, and I eventually begin binging. The longest I didn't eat was a week. It's been tried many times. I didn't exercise, just drank water and ate nothing. How can anorexics do it? I never could figure it out. I suppose it's a good thing that I can't make myself throw up (not that I haven't tried many times!) because then I'd definitely be bulimic. Maybe that and anorexic.

It's no fun feeling fat and plump. Not when you envision yourself a certain way. I do enjoy working out--when I do it. It's addicting, it becomes habit, and I feel satisfied after it's over. The problem is that it either (depending on the workout, can be both) a) hard to get into and b) I don't see results. Maybe I set the goal too high. If I miss two days, then the good habit is over.

I know what works for me. I don't want to do pills, I don't want to not eat. I started seeing results on the 21-Day Fix eating plan and Autumn Calabrese's workouts. But then I moved back home and what I knew would happen, happened: I fell off the wagon. Big time. Popcorn, Hot Fudge Sundays and/or milkshakes every single day. Oreos. Potato chips. These are things I would not allow in my apartment because I knew my will power was weak. Weak isn't even a strong enough word. Possibly non-existence is more the color. And I can't keep others from eating what they like even if I wanted to.

So, how can I do what I know will work when I have to be my own accountability and also have to comply with others? I can't continue to feel this way. It's bad enough that I don't have a job at the moment, which may be part of the reason I resort to bad food.

Today is Monday, July 13, 2015. Tomorrow I will be leaving Costa Rica and returning to my life. This week, I was supposed to eat only meal bars to get on track, but that didn't work out, and I feel like a spreading blob. Wednesday will be day one for me, so I have until then to brainstorm ways to get on track with healthy eating, and working out every day. I need to apply what Autumn often says...not just hear it: "if you're tired of starting over, stop giving up!"